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How do we hold our manhood when we break?

How do we hold our manhood when we break?

It is simple to say but hard to do.

The basic equation reads thus;

We sit in our manhood when we own our errors, admit we are not perfect and seek help.

Owning your errors.


It is challenging to admit you are wrong.

More challenging when you are not aware of the behaviour that causes the hurt or fracture.

Even more challenging to then go and seek help.

In my twenty plus year dealings with men in crisis, these are the questions that are constantly raised;

How do I publicly raise my hand and expose my weakness?

Where does self care begin and where does my obligation end?

Where does the kindness cease and healthy boundaries start?

How can I read the situation when I struggle to understand myself?

I need to be brave.

I need to show courage.

I can’t let my family down.

And at my age and in my position I am supposed to know better.

Western society tells me that owning an error is admitting weakness.

And men are programmed not to accept failure.

Let the mantra begin.

Try harder.

Be better.

Man up.

It can be a struggle for a man and this is why we lose so many capable, amazing men to self neglect and suicide.

We find it hard to break down our personal triggers and resultant moods.

Owning our behaviour is a quantum leap too far.

Way too far!

So, how do we hold our manhood when we break?

Often in our self imposed pain we are just scared, little boys.

Yet society and our partners see us as strong and capable.

Or at best, hope we are strong and capable.

But humanity is built on as many mistakes as victories.

So why are the expectations placed on men different?

And at the moment in our changing world men feel somewhat gagged.

The ability to fess up and own up has been further shackled.

By our own mistakes.



But good men are being held down by weak men and good men are being pushed further into separation and isolation.

And here is an unpalatable clanger;

Weak men are potentially good men looking for an answer but the solutions they seek are damaging for self and others.

Let’s take a snapshot of men’s health stats in South West Sydney when compared to women:

  • men have a 13% higher obesity rate than women.
  • life expectancy at birth is nearly 4 years lower for men than women.
  • men seek the help of medical professionals 25% less than women.
  • in 2016 the age adjusted male death rate was 42% higher than the female death rate.

And please do not see this as a purely man versus woman expose.

It is not.

Women as a collective are seen as ‘best practice’ for men.

Women seek self care.

Women create community.

Women come from a place of love and security.

Women talk about their issues.

And the above are general statements but the stats support the supposition.

Women are mentally and physically healthier than men, readily seek professional help when they are unwell and therefore live longer.

So men what are we going to do as a ‘healthier’ collective?

  • Go to your GP and have a head to toe check up.
  • Watch your diet. If you eat crap you will feel crap – pretty simple.
  • Drink plenty of water – flush out the system.
  • Exercise every second day – and you don’t have to run marathons. Exercise is not an excuse for physical punishment.
  • Get plenty of sleep – if you are struggling to sleep change up your ‘going to bed’ routine.
  • Have some quiet time – meditation and prayer works. Go and sit in an empty church or park.
  • Seek out a healthy community – having a Sunday morning coffee, swim or run with a few mates does you wonders.

All the above works. It just takes action.

Step by step my brothers…..

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