A Son’s Lament

If I forgot about myself, would you still remember me?        

Maybe, as the last rays of summer dashed over that unrelenting magnolia sitting on our front porch,

You could argue with the dog whether your love for me was worth the effort.

And as I stroll the paths and parks of the lost waiting for my Lord to call me home,

I shout your name and we could be together once more.

Just for that moment and all would be well.

No one walks as fast and far as I can, but my shadow will not stay behind.

Those memories never leave my love and I do not have the strength to navigate the gullies of my regret.

My sons, as you watch your sons and daughters playing in those wood framed Sydney backyards,

Hold my heart with theirs and I will hug you hard.

I still remember holding my father’s hand as I pinched at his impossibly large thumb.

The feeling kept me safe when safety seemed one step too far.

I lose the light so quickly as I reenact my pain.

Funny how it comes to me when I walk alone.

Please, oh please my God hold my hand and guide me home.

Am I that weak that solace takes me down?

Fragility cracks the pinecones of my resolve,

But my father I promise to walk forward anyway.

So, when the bank account runs dry and the jeans fray at my feet,

Will you still remember me my sweet, little one?

Today is the day I will try and let it pass me by,

Because I have no more games to play.

My voice is dry and the words I throw are hollow,

As the silence cracks the concrete at my feet.