Alcoholism is a reason not an excuse

Alcoholics and addicts can be sooks.

And before you jump in and tear strips off me, I’m an alcoholic.

So, I’m calling myself a sook, and so are a large chunk of the thousands of alcoholics and addicts I’ve met, witnessed, observed and listened to over the last twenty five years.

Using addicts.

Active alcoholics.

Recovering alcoholics and addicts.

Whinging and whining.

It’s always someone else’s fault.

Oversensitive.

Over processing.

Navel gazing.

Thinking, pondering and wondering.

The grass is always greener.

If only he hadn’t done this and if only she had let him do that.

Feeding, kneading and manipulating our illness.

Always plotting and surmising.

Even the co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous and one of the great men of the 20th Century, Bill Wilson, sums up the alcoholic as a person with ‘massive ego and low self esteem’.

Not a great combination.

And for me the illness concept of alcoholism and addiction can be a huge excuse and a cop out.

The sober alcoholic can use this ‘get out of jail free card’ well into their recovery. Let me quote myself from my book One Day One Life;

” confuse and hurt the people they love most and for me, you don’t completely mend until you own that burden and let it go – and you don’t let it go until you realize addiction is a reason and not an excuse. The disease concept of addiction has its merits and validity, but for some recovering alcoholics, it becomes another way of avoidance. Bad behaviour has to be owned; we are sick but our sickness is not an excuse.”

And the self perpetuating, ‘broken shoe lace’ view of alcoholic thinking seems to be gaining more and more validity in the treatment of addiction.

Many intelligent men and women in recovery circles teach and justify the crazy and dangerous myth of ‘contrary action’. In other words, the newly recovering addict cannot trust their own thinking in anything they do or say.

This is insane and can act like quick sand around the ankles of healthy human beings.

Guess what guys, we are what we think and if you think you are a loser you will be a loser.

So, not only do we have to stop the loser behaviour in active addiction, but we have to stop the loser thinking in active recovery.

I will admit that when first sober, the alcoholic cannot trust their thinking and decision making around booze, and until they are mentally, physically and spiritually strong I would also recommend that major life decisions are a consultation process with healthy, like minded individuals.

But, as a sober, healthy alcoholic, there is only one thing I cannot do in life – pick up that first drink of alcohol.

If I do all bets are off.

And some of my biggest lessons in recovery have been from people who are not alcoholic. Statements like:

‘Grow up David.’

‘Not all people are alcoholics.’

‘You are behaving like a self righteous dick head Dave!’

And this classic from my sober mate Rick when one of his mates told him;

‘Just because you are an addict doesn’t mean you have a mortgage on feelings.’

So, not only did David have to stop drinking but Dave the boy had to become David the man.

Yes, I suffer from an awful, damaging, scary and devastating impairment.

Yes, I become a human wrecking ball in active addiction.

Yes, alcohol and drugs ruin the lives of hundreds of thousands of people a day.

Yes, as an alcoholic I can be judged and categorized and misunderstood.

But am I a boy or a man?

Do I want to be a sook and a navel gazer, or a spiritual warrior?

Do I want to wallow in self remorse or leave a legacy of courage, happiness and positive resolution to my sons?

And yes, life can be tough and cruel, but it is tough for every living soul on this planet, but like every other human being I have freedom of choice?

So today, what do I choose?

I choose freedom.

And I will leave the final word to Martin Seligman, the most influential living psychologist, who in his latest book The Hope Circuit simply says:

“Not getting it wrong does not equal getting it right.”

Need to read more?

Read Chapter One from One Day, One Life: P. 1- 8. One Day One Life